Such a good day.....NOT!

Hey Ya'll,

           So today... I am not having a good day, as the title says and I just need to talk about it and since I have no friends really and my boyfriend is playing soccer, I am going to just blog about it. I feel really alone today, my mom is in Mississippi with my family, (she's coming home tomorrow) and all I have here in the house is all boys and I know I can talk to my dad but I don't really wanna talk to my dad about something I feel stupid about as it is. I am not going go into a lot of detail because of certain people who may or may not read the blog. I just feel like I am stupid for feeling the way that I feel. I know I am high maintenance emotionally and I hate that about myself and I am working on it but I also feel like I am not totally unjustified in my feelings. These feelings aren't from no where, I have a reason for them that I think it a good reason, or maybe again I am just being unreasonable. I know that both are possibly the case. In my past relationships, I was never first... or even in the top 3 sometimes in the top 5. I don't want to be first, I don't want someone's life to revolve around me... I just wanted to be part of it! I've let my life revolve around someone before and it was no good, it ended bad and I was crushed so I want to have a life of my own apart from my relationship and I want him to have his as well, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to be a big part of it. Anyway, I know I am just complaining and I normally don't and I don't like too but I need to vent or I am going to go INSANE! Alright, well I think I might be done... and I do feel a little better so now I am just going to rearrange my room and see if that helps to keep my mind busy! I hope ya'll's day is going better than mine!

-Kaylan

College??

Hey ya'll!!

     So I was right in my last blog, I was to late to start on the "first" day most people have but yesterday (8/26) I went to the education center on post and got some information about colleges with two year programs here locally and today... I applied! I felt so crazy but I did it! Tomorrow I have to call the school I graduated from to get a sealed copy of my transcript and then soon after I have to apply for fasfa and I should be started school in late October! I am so excited, a little scared but yeah... WAY EXCITED! I can't wait to become a nurse... it might take 4 years but really.. that's not that long! I thought that when I started high school and if you go back and read my previous blogs you can see that looking back on it, it was just like... a blink of my eye! So yes, I am sooo looking forward to start college and get the party going!

I do have some sad news though :( Well sad to me, I have to miss my best friend's baby girl's birthday party :( I hate that, but I am going to send her something and face time with her for sure on the day of her birthday! It's only been like two and half months ago but it feels like forever :( the good thing though is that next time my mom goes home, I am probably going to go with her so I can see my family! Well, it is getting pretty late here and I want to get up early tomorrow so I am going to get!
-Kaylan

I've decided and good news!!

Hey ya'll!

     So I thought I'd let you in, I have decided to keep making blogs, even if I don't have much of an audience. I am making these for me. So my news, I met someone, not the guy from before... we decided to go our own ways. I met someone here, he is amazing and I'm excited to see what happens between he and I in the future. I am looking into colleges but I can't get in anywhere this semester it is looking like, but that's whatever I suppose. I am still job hunting with no luck! Things are still tough but I am making it through. I have been going to church and praying more and I think that has a lot to do with it.
Have a great day!!

-Kaylan

Bad News, Good News, Sad News...

Hey ya'll,

I am sorry that I have been gone so long. I just have been crazy busy with company this summer and looking for jobs and college to go to. There hasn't been anything big that has happened really, but I do have some news to report. My Aunt Dorothy, who is my mawamw's sister and between her and my Aunt Linda, (one of her other sisters) they are all that is left of my mawmaw's brothers and sisters and once Aunt Dorothy goes it won't be long until Aunt Linda follows sadly, that's the feeling we have anyway and we haven't been wrong about those really, my family I mean. My mom is down in my hometown (also where I graduated from) until she does pass and she is going to stay and help with the services and everything, I am not going though... I can't handle it; it just resurfaces some things that I still have to deal with in regards to mawmaw (They are almost identical, my Aunt Dorothy and MawMaw.) I still have a lot of unresolved issues with it comes to her but I deal with those a little at time, I think if I tried to deal with them all at once it would kill me.... plus it doesn't help that my mother acts like death only effects her, so I am not going. Good news though, I did meet someone, we're like together without a label right now but he makes me happy and I am hoping that everything keeps going well, but as of the bad news, one of the friends I had come visit me, has been my best friend, through everything for many years.... and I am pretty sure that, that friendship is over. I do not even know who she is anymore, the person she is becoming is not someone she would have liked just three years ago, but maybe she wasn't meant to be in my life forever, who knows but yeah ,so that is sad but I am dealing with it. Anyway, I can't think of much else to report besides that I am thinking of stopping this blog, at least temporarily if not permenatly. I love blogging and all, even though I don't have audience; but I just don't have anything to report right now, I am just trying to start my life.. I am not sure but then again I am not sure about most things these days... I will give ya'll a final answer soon... Well I hope ya'll are having a wonderful day!
-Kaylan

Texas, Summer, and Friends!

Hey!
   
        So I know it has been a while but I have been super busy with this that, you know the usual; birthday parties, weddings, hanging out with my friends. I've been looking for a job and for schools around here with no luck so far but I am going to have to continue to look. My best friend Bridgette and her baby girl Gracie Ann are down here visiting me for a while before Bridgette has to go back to school to do her SENIOR YEAR! WHOOP! I know she is stoked because that is the whole reason I ever started blogging. My other best friend is coming down for the fourth of July weekend and I am so excited but nothing much to report other than that!
Hope ya'll are having an amazing summer!!!
-Kaylan

I graduate tomorrow...

   

     So,
            I am laying here and as tired as I am, I can not sleep. I feel excited, happy, nervous and sad. I can't believe this part of my life is over. I can not wrap my head around the fact that I worked so hard all of the years I was in school and now it's over. It will never ever be like it didn't happen; I have to many emotional scars to prove to myself that it did, and some physical ones to go along with the emotional. I remember starting high school. I was terrified. I did not know how I was going to go through what seems to be the longest four years of your life without my best friend, but I did. I made it through the storm and I made it through in one piece, well mostly anyway. That was four years ago but it feels like two weeks ago. It feels like I was just on my way home from orientation crying because I was going to do this without anyone and I had to do it and I would; and I did. I remember feeling it was going to be impossible and then freshmen year was over and I survived it, and I was alright and I was going to continue to be, even after having my world shattered by my first love. For those of you who don't know or haven't experienced it yet, imagine having not just your world but you down to the core of your being, being shattered and your world literally falling apart. I had to not only put myself back together but I had to find out who I was again, when I had just figured it out. I told myself that if I could get through that, I could get through anything and I can. Sophomore year was  pretty uneventful besides my moving to Germany. Junior year was hard for me emotionally but as of the work and classes it wasn't awful and I was so stoked to have one more year left and now that year is over. Senior year, was by far the easiest when it comes to everything, emotional, physical and school. I moved back to America but I was so excited about that I almost kissed the tar mat when we landed. The work was not hard, the change was easy to deal with and I for the most part, had a good time senior year but now it's all over. The four years I thought I could never do, the four years I looked forward to when I was in fourth grade, going I only have five years until I am in high school and then nine until I am done and now I am done with high school and I will. I am so excited but so nervous!!
-Kaylan

Tomorrow is my LAST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL!

Like the title says,

Tomorrow is my last day of high school and I'm honestly kinda mixed about it. I am excited, sad, happy, and anxious! I am just so, overwhelmed with emotion. It doesn't seem real... at all. I just... am.... yeah lol I don't know. I've got a blog planned after graduation, it's going to be... monumental, at least for me! I'm kind of taking my last "school night" in. I am going to dress up tomorrow though, I want... I want to look cute and feel good about myself, walking out my high school doors for the last time as a student. I have senior assembly on Friday but it's not really that big for me, I won't be in the slideshow but that's fine I suppose. I've been to four high schools in my entire 4 years in high school so not being known is not new for me and it honestly doesn't bother me. There is to much about to happen for me, and to much that I am going to do in my life to worry about not being in the senior slide show. Yeah, I was cute kid, so why do I need to put all of them to shame with my adorable baby/toddler/kid self? Psh, It's alright, I'll let them keep their self-esteems. :p Anyway, a few of my friends want me to go so that is why I am going mainly, it's not going to be all teary eyed for me or anything, graduation will be for me. I don't have any real connections to any high schools, I went to Schweinfurt for the longest but I hated it so I'm not really sad to not be graduation from there. I have more ties to Pickering. I grew up in Louisiana, well Louisiana and Mississippi but I spent most of my school years there. I was there in preschool-8th grade (not counting 1st, was in Mississippi) I spent 10 years at school in Pickering and I would have known the people I was graduating with and it would have meant so much more to me. The Lord had other plans though and I ended right here, where my life began for the first time, and now it's beginning again; metaphorically speaking of course. This chapter in my life is over and I am starting something totally new, completely new uncharted territory for me. College, and then the rest of my life. It wont be long I'm sure when I look back on my life and think "When did I become my mother?" (Hopefully in some ways I won't) I'm kind of sad but at the same time I know the part of my life I am about to start is going to be so much rewarding for me and I am going to enjoy it so much more than the dreaded middle school and high school years. I wasn't one of those super popular kids and I always had issues trying to fit in somewhere, I never seemed to, even with my friends, I only have one person who has ever gotten me totally and she is not with me all the time, though she is coming down for graduation. The kids who are super popular in high school and have a great time, that's awesome for them but that will probably be there peak in life and I haven't even begun to have mine but once I do, it will be amazing and it will last for the rest of my life hopefully. I am so looking forward to college and I think I will love it, so I am praying I am right. Anyway, I think I have given you enough to read for tonight, so I am going to get off here...
Have a great night!
-Kaylan

"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together" -Marilyn Monroe

Last Monday and Exemptions!

Hey Ya'll


So this is actually kinda cool because I'm blogging from school! I am in second block of the day (we have four) and I am exempt from this class so I can sleep all block or play on the computer, I choose to play on the computer! This is the last day I will have this class though, the last time I will have a first and second block to go to! It's bittersweet. I'm excited, happy, sad, nervous, scared and so much more; with graduation being so close I am looking back on the things I wish I could have done, the things I wish I wouldn't have done and the things I would go back and change in a second if I could. I didn't have a great high school experience but there have been worse I am more than certain of that. I've been to four high schools and four years, moved from the south to north (never having been out of the south) and then to another country and I've managed (mostly anyway) to hold myself together and I've gotten through it with my best friend and some other good friends I've made along the way.
We made cookies in my art class aka my first block and I was like yummy! I'll insert a photo for ya'll when I get home. I am also making ice cream in my fourth block so yummy!!!
I do not have to be here tomorrow at all! But I do have to be here on Wednesday to take my third block exam, but I am not worried and I'm confident that I will do well and it will help my grade for sure!
Anyway, sorry the unusually long blog but thanks for reading!!!
Have a spiffy day!

-Kaylan


"The only limitations you have are the ones you give yourself" -Steven Harper

Last Week of High School..

Ya'll

I am not sure how to feel about this.... I'm so excited and so sad at the same time. I can't wait to be done but there are so many things I would go back and do differently. I moved 4 times in high school, that was hard enough, through the classes, friends, enemies, teachers, rude people, tears etc... I am just... I don't know how to feel about this... and next week is graduation! I want to cry just thinking about it!!!

My SENIOR prom today!

Hey ya'll!

I just wanted to make this quick little blog! Prom is today and I could not be more excited! I have waited so long for this and it's finally here!! I've got the perfect dress, and the perfect shoes. The sun is shining and it's beautiful outside! I just could NOT be any happier than I am right now! Well I hope ya'll proms, whenever they are either are amazing or were amazing!
Love ya'll!
-Kaylan